CAIS

Asian and American

By Samantha White

In the second semester of my 4th grade year in 1995, my family moved from the lazy town of Bakersfield, California to San Francisco and I was enrolled at CAIS, where I was dropped into the Chinese immersion program like a kid at her first day at the pool. My family, consisting of a Chinese-born mom and American-born dad, spoke English at home and I had never learned any Chinese except for a few commonly used phrases. Despite this, I learned zhu yin quickly, and after only two weeks of instruction, my shaky language skills were put to the test in what I am sure was the shortest speech ever to be delivered at CAIS’ annual speech festival. Just before my hesitant delivery, I stared out at the classroom full of strange and new faces, examining the classmates and teachers who now surrounded me every day. I felt as if I would never fit in.

As part of the CAIS family, I often heard alumni, teachers, and principals explain the significance of a CAIS education, which unfortunately fell on deaf ears. As a frustrated 10 year old, I wondered why I needed to be bilingual, and when I would know I was bicultural? Was I supposed to love China so much that I'd immigrate back? But if I did this, how would I visit my Grandma who came to America on a boat from Hong Kong in 1955? I felt the Chinese and American sides of my identity battling for supremacy. Which one would win?

When I went to college I became involved in conversations about identity politics. Of the fifty people on my freshmen floor, two others were Asian. By winter break, whenever I saw them on campus they were surrounded exclusively by other Asians. Even though I studied at CAIS for four years and spent one year in a study abroad program in Beijing during high school, my years of cheng yu training and preparing New Year's dumplings were inconsequential; I still didn’t fit in with that homogenous and select group. I was never Chinese enough for the Chinese crowd and was always somewhat misunderstood by non-Chinese crowds; this conflict is one commonly experienced by mixed-race individuals and is frequently the topic in campus debates on diversity. In time, I came to realize that the Asian and American sides did not have to clash; I am Asian and American; I don’t have to choose one or the other to feel complete.

Almost ten years have passed since I graduated from CAIS in 1999, and I'm still realizing the influence of the four significant years I spent at CAIS. The curriculum at CAIS can help students by easing their transition into the anti-affirmative action, politically correct minefield that prevails in most American universities. One thing I grew to appreciate during my college experience was the tradition of Asian-American literature, and in winter 2005 I presented some ideas to the CAIS Board of Trustees, who welcomed the conversation. I asked them to imagine the possibilities of teaching CAIS students the historical situation that engendered contemporary Asian-American writers such as Gish Jen and Frank Chin. I asked them to consider how this same historical situation was closely linked to the founding of CAIS, and was consequently an essential topic to be covered in its curriculum. Writing about the dilemma of proving his identity, Frank Chin writes, "Even hiding out in the only Chinese restaurant in Iowa City, with chopsticks and the wispiest, Fu Manchuiest mustache ever seen east of the Rockies, some crazy Iowan sits down next to me and sternly asks me what I am doing in a Chinese restaurant." Asian American identity politics, and identity politics in general is an issue that must be addressed in the CAIS education. The enthusiastic bubble of supportive teachers, parents, and cultural immersion should not leave students with hazy expectations for the world beyond, for the permutations Chinese culture makes all across the country, in Frank Chin's Chinese restaurant and my university in Missouri.

Being a student at CAIS raised my awareness of myself as a global citizen. At CAIS, we were made aware that many cultures lived under the roof. The opportunity I had to learn the intricacies of a culture so well is unavailable to most elementary-age students, even in San Francisco. When cultures rub shoulders, people are reluctant to take notice; most of the time, they pretend it’s business as usual when there might have been a point of connection and understanding. Through my education at CAIS, I learned to never miss an opportunity to share my experiences and learn the experiences of others. Forming bonds with adults from a foreign country in their language was a formative experience, showing me how much it takes to understand another person and their culture. In that regard, CAIS has made my expectations all the higher for engaging the world and exploring what I don't know.

Samantha graduated from CAIS in 1999, then continued on to attend University High School. She graduated from Washington University in St. Louis in 2007. She currently resides in New York, and is pursuing a career in publishing.